LOVE YOU FOREVER

In the fall of 2009 we found out that we were expecting a BABY BOY! We waited until I was past the first trimester before we told the kids and then we announced our exciting news on our Christmas card that year! The kids were so excited and had to keep it a secret for a few days until people started to receive our cards.

On the morning of December 22nd we had our level 3 ultrasound where we would be seeing my OB/GYN (who is also a family friend…might sound weird, I know, but he was THE BEST!) and we would have the ultrasound that would reveal the gender. It was also 3 days before Christmas and we were preparing to host Christmas Eve at our house. The morning of my appointment we had planned to bring the kids with us to find out the gender and see an ultrasound, but right before leaving we decided to leave them with my mom so we could to the appointment and then run errands on the way home and get our last minute Christmas items.

We arrived to our appointment and were called back for our ultrasound right away, which is always so exciting! I laid on the table and the tech started the procedure and taking measurements. I’ve been through this a few times before, so I knew what to expect. I kept asking, “can you tell if it’s a boy or a girl?”. After a few minutes I couldn’t tell if the baby wasn’t moving or if she was moving the sonogram too quickly. I eventually asked her and she excused herself from the room saying that she would be right back. I got a little nervous, but nothing crazy. A few minutes later our doctor walked in and I knew instantly. I will never forget that moment, the heartache or the pain. I had a c-section with Ellie so I was anticipating this again, but he told me that I would need to be admitted to the hospital right away to induce labor for delivery. He gave Mike and I a few minutes in his office privately where we called our parents and one of my best friends. I was then taken to a procedure room in the office where our doctor started labor. We knew we had a little time, so we went home to tell our kids the devastating news. A moment I will never forget and I’m sure they won’t either. We packed their clothes and took them back to my moms and headed to the hospital.

We arrived to the hospital for induction of our stillborn baby. We still weren’t sure of the gender or if the baby was “normal” or perhaps had some healthy issues that had caused him to pass away. I was greeted by the sweetest nurse that I will never forget. I kept apologizing to her. I felt so bad that she had to be around me/us under these circumstances. Most labor and delivery nursed get to bring the greatest joy in the world to families and I felt guilty that she was having to endure this. Our doctor was there every step of the way. He had the anesthesiologist there and they started an epidural right away. I wasn’t in pain yet, but under the circumstances, my doctor didn’t want me to have to feel the physical pain from delivery. Then they started my induction with an IV medication called Misopristol which is stronger than than the usual Pitocin that is given to women that helps start labor. After that it was a waiting game which left me lots of time to think!

I would ask my doctor and nurses multiple questions about what to expect. I had told my doctor that I was absolutely sure I didn’t want to see or meet our baby. I was too scared. Eventually as time went on and meds kicked in, I started to contemplate this decision and was worried I might regret it. I called another dear friend who was also a labor and delivery nurse. We talked for a bit and I expressed my fears. She understood, but in the sweetest way she encouraged me to meet my baby. Another moment I will never forget. I told my doctor that I had changed my mind, but that I would only want to see the baby if there weren’t any complications that might leave me more heartbroken or scarred. He agreed.

Just after 4a on the morning of December 23, 2009 we met our perfect little BABY BOY! As he arrived, all of the feelings of being scared had vanished and I was overcome with a feeling of peace. I knew that this baby was meant to be part of our family! We were able to keep him with us for several hours. The nurses took pictures, they made prints for us of his teeny tiny little hands and feet. They doted on him as if he were a full term healthy baby boy! That evening I knew that I had to do something that felt near impossible…leave the hospital empty handed. And, we did. We left our sweet Baby Jack behind, but his spirit was always with us.

After we had Baby Jack, we went though thorough testing to make sure that there wasn’t anything genetic before we considered trying again. We met with different specialists who all agreed that losing our baby was a “fluke”…meaning that they couldn’t find anything medically wrong with him, myself or Mike. So, in 2011 after MUCH prayerful consideration we decided to try again. This time, I found out very early that I was expecting. I was considered high-risk because of my previous pregnancy so I was at the doctors weekly, if not more. We found out very early that we were expecting a girl! Again, we were beyond excited and couldn’t wait for our baby girl to arrive. We pushed through all of the milestones and compared everything to our Baby Jack…coincidentally they were both due the same day; May 28th! As we passed the 20 week mark we thought we were in the clear. I even bought a few items for the first time, which, if you’ve been pregnant then you know how hard it is to NOT give in and buy all the cute baby things! At the end of December I had a level 3 ultrasound with our perinatologist. This was a very efficient and time consuming ultrasound that would measure everything on the baby. From her hands and feet to her little organs and heartbeat. I laid on that table just smiling as tears of happiness rolled down my cheeks. I left that appointment and went straight to a little boutique where I bought the cutest little leopard baby girl shoes! Mike bought me a diaper bag that I had been eyeing as a surprise too! We were all over the moon!

On December 31, 2011 I woke up not feeling well. I had a really bad migraine and was nauseated. I started suffering from headaches after delivering Baby Jack so this wasn’t completely unusual. I took medicine and laid around, but things were only getting worse. I made a call to my doctor who told me to head to the hospital and have the labor and delivery nurses check the baby and medicate me. I hung up the phone and told Mike that I would go, but that I didn’t want anyone to know because I didn’t want them to worry. We called our favorite Pam-Cakes, who is a 2nd mom to our kids, to come stay with them. She was the only one who knew.

We arrived at the hospital in the late afternoon and were sent to triage on the labor and delivery floor. I was in a room with several other pregnant women and we were separated by curtains. They immediately ordered an ultrasound to check the baby. A few minutes later, a cute young girl wheeled her portable machine into our tiny little “room”. She turned on the machine and started her procedure, but her screen wasn’t facing me and by law, she wasn’t allowed to show me or tell me until the doctor reviewed it. I had so much anxiety. I kept asking questions and begging her to tell my my baby was ok. After a few minutes, she turned off the machine and started to leave. As she did, she started to cry…she looked right at me and said, “I am so so sorry”. I knew she wasn’t supposed to do this, but I was grateful that the wait was over. I cried like I’ve never cried before. I felt bad knowing that all of the people in the triage room could hear, but I could not control it. To this day I still feel bad for both of these young ultrasound techs and wish I could go back and give them a hug, apologize and tell them that I’m ok!

I was too sick this time to go home and tell the kids. Mike had the daunting task to go home and inform the kids, yet again, about their baby sister. I know it was hard. Hard for Mike and hard for our kids. And, hard for our Pam-Cakes to have the responsibility to keep these sad kids in her care while I was in the hospital. I was immediately admitted to a room in labor and delivery. I was hooked up to an IV and medications were started to get me feeling better. I made a few of those same gut wrenching phone calls that I had made just 2 years before. This time I knew what to expect so I allowed my sister and a few of my best friends to come see me before they started induction. We laughed and cried together. Two of them were pregnant, both with girls! We had been talking for months about how our girls would be the best of friends like we were. Around 11p I was feeling ready and we went ahead and started labor with the same medication as before.

This time there was no question. I had just seen our baby girl on ultrasound and I knew she was perfect and I knew I wanted to meet her. Just after 11:30a on January 1st, we welcomed our sweet Baby Piper to our family! She was perfect! She was quite a bit bigger than Jack, but no deformities or noticeable health issues. I had some issues with delivery so I was rushed to surgery. After that we had some time with her in our room where we were able to name her, hold her and take some pictures. And, again, felt so much peace.

There is no doubt that these babies were meant to be part of our family. We love them so much! I feel sad that my body wasn’t able to provide them what they needed to grow to full term, but I was able to provide them a body and a spirit. I was able to carry them, to give them a perfect body, to give them a sweet spirit, to hold them…and, to LOVE them. I can’t wait for the day we meet again!

Baby Jack was born December 31, 2009 and Baby Piper was born January 1, 2012. Both babies had the same due date of May 28th so this is the day we have chosen to celebrate our babies ! This was our 8th year doing a balloon release and continues to be a most cherished family tradition. We have blue balloons for Jack and pink balloons for Piper. We write notes on them and send them up to heaven! It’s our little way of honoring them and showing our tremendous amount of love for them!

Weaver Family Annual Balloon Release 2020!

LOVE YOU FOREVER, MY SWEET BABY JACK AND BABY PIPER!

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